I have been on this mental health journey for a good 2+ years now. My mission is pretty simple, educate and normalize. I want to educate people about mental illness as well as normalize the conversations. Make it OK to talk to one another about our emotions and feelings. Even when it makes us feel vulnerable. In the past 3 months I have really opened myself up. I let everyone in on the secret I had been keeping for so many years. I publicly published my story about my suicide attempt when I was 17. Now everyone knows. It was scary for a little while but I am over it now. It is done. I did it. I really don't have many concerns about any backlash or negativity from it. The story is mine and it is true and if people feel the need to judge and feel awkward, then that is their feelings to work with.
I have faced an ironic dilemma though. After posting all this stuff about opening up about mental illness and talking about it and seeking help, I had some friends and family who are close with me not mention it or even want to talk about it. When I asked them why, their reason was simple: "I don't know what to say." I think that is a very fair statement to make. All this time I have been focused on the other side of getting people to talk. But what is one supposed to say when someone brings up the notion of mental health and/or suicide?
To me, it is no more different than someone who is diagnosed with any other ailment or illness. You generally ask basic questions about what they are feeling, what you can do, treatment strategies etc. I don't see this as being any different but I know others do. So what SHOULD you say? Or maybe a better question is: What shouldn't you say? I can't speak for the mental health community as a whole but I think there are some generally agreed upon rules.
1) DON'T tell them to snap out of it
2) DO tell them you will listen
3) DON'T tell them they'll get over it
4) DO tell them you care about them
5) DON'T assume they want answers from you (most times they don't and just need a sounding board)
6) DO assume that if they have mentioned something to you about it, it is because they trust you and want to talk about it.
7) DON'T tell them you know how they feel. This can be tricky and I say this for 2 reasons: 1) This is about them, not you. and 2) It may seem appropriate to connect and relate but unless you truly have been where they are, it is best to avoid this sentiment as it can be misinterpreted as minimizing the seriousness of their depression/feelings.
8) DO ask questions. It is OK to ask them questions, especially if you have concerns over their well-being. If you are comfortable, it is OK to ask them if they are thinking of hurting themselves (trust me, you aren't putting the thought in their head by mentioning it)
Just remember this - You don't need to have all the answers. You don't even need to have ANY answers. You just need to listen. Sometimes, the only thing they need is your presence.
When I was in the worst of my relapse 2 years ago, I couldn't find anyone to open up to. The few people I did try to open up to brushed it off and didn't know how to respond which made me feel even more isolated.
It is perfectly OK to NOT know what to say and even tell them that. They are coming to you as a trusted friend, not as a psychotherapist to analyze,diagnose and treat. The best thing anyone ever said to me was from my dad. After I told him that I was in my deep depression again and was seeking help he simply stated "I don't really know what to say about this stuff but I do know how to listen!" Those words meant the world to me and still resonate in my head almost daily.
