The fallout from my drug-stashing-confession has died a little. My wife is holding on to my meds and regularly checking that I am taking them and amounts are there. I don't anticipate this going on for a long time but it feels good to know she cares and is checking on it. It does kind of feel like she is being my keeper but I think on some level I need that and appreciate it. I have my next appointment with my therapist in a week and she invited Jessica to come with so we can talk about what has transpired and how do we move forward, how should Jessica deal with this and possibly dig deeper into the significance and meaning of it. I am not too sure what to make of it and what to expect but I really like my therapist and think it can only be for the best.
Speaking of therapy, Jessica and I are starting back at marriage counseling in a few weeks. We are going back to address what has all transpired between us and really focus on how we move forward. We have made some significant progress in our relationship but there are some wounds that need to be addressed and other. Since my breakdown was most likely the catalyst for the marriage discontentment - I have moved past that for the most part with some wafting here and there and the feelings I was having before are no longer there. Looking back, I didn't want anything back then. I have since realized the strength of our relationship and all the sacrifices and effort my wife put into my recovery and it helped tremendously. I will never understand the level of love and care she has for me in order to do everything she did and still does to aid in my recovery. I am truly lucky and blessed to have her. I know her well enough to expect nothing less but my therapist keeps reminding me of how good I have got it. I just wish there was a way that I could adequately and appropriately thank her. I guess focusing on recovery and pushing forward is probably the best thing.
I had the opportunity to run my men's support group this week. I have been going to this Depressed Men's support group for about 6 months now. I really like it. It gives me a chance to hear how other guys in the same situation deal with their depression but also share my experiences and what I have learned. The leader of the group was out of town and instead of cancelling it, he asked me to lead it. I was a little shocked, a little scared, a little flattered and a little excited. I have wanted to be more active in helping others with their struggles and use my story to potentially help others with theirs. Only about half the group showed up so it was a good starting point for me - took some of the pressure off. It came pretty easy for me to lead the group and just keep the conversation going and getting others to participate. I think I did a fairly decent job. Next time I will probably bring a list of topics to talk about just in case of the dreaded silence. I am happy they gave me the opportunity and I enjoyed it. I could see myself getting more involved with the foundation.
Well..... I think that is all for now. I know it is a lot and more to come. I am trying to blog more often so we will see how this goes. I am in my living room right now and the kids are playing and I am just sitting here typing away. Sometimes life can be ok, we just need to stop and embrace it and remember that.
Song of the day - The Best that I Can - Emerson Hart
"If you're reading this then I am long gone. Wish I had the strength to prove you wrong."
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