Dark Side of Me

Today was a bad day and a good day all in one. Maybe I am bipolar.... who knows. I have been having these awful headaches lately and neck pain that wont go away with pain killers. It has been 3 weeks and it s becoming debilitating. I am starting Physical Therapy in a few weeks to help so we will see how that goes. As I was driving home, I was overcome with darkness. It just hit me like a fucking brick. Driving, listening to Rise Against and BAM. I could just feel it overcome my body and felt my mood completely shift. It was like a warm feeling that just pours over my body from head to toe. Hard to describe but it is a real physical feeling that overcomes me mentally. I was in the car and   I was approaching a big dump truck and for a moment I had the vision of flooring the gas pedal and rear ending right into him and my car would be under the truck and the potential for killing me would be high as I would probably get decapitated and it would most likely be instantaneous.Fortunately I wasn't fully in the shit and I snapped out of it and started to cry a little bit. Why the fuck is this happening? Why can't I get this to stop? Where did this come from? I thought things were getting better! Why? It just keeps coming back. I keep telling myself that it is never going to go away and I just have to continue to battle it. But god dammit - I can't keep doing this. I can't keep having this. It scares the shit out of me that these are going to keep coming at me. I don't know how long I can keep fending these off....