Suicide Prevention Day

This is the post that I just posted on Facebook. Pretty much outing myself and disease. 

Today is Suicide Prevention day. As much as I want to keep this to myself - I think it is important to come out and let my story be heard. I have battled major depression for the past 20 years. Last month, I had a very difficult and serious relapse that ended with me being admitted into a Partial Hospitalization Recovery Program for 3 weeks. I am not posting this for sympathy or attention as that is NOT my intent. I am posting this to help bring awareness that depression crosses all races, ages, income brackets and generations. Depression is a very real disease. It completely messes up your mind making you feel a darkness that is incredibly difficult to describe. It is nearly impossible to try and explain it to someone who never has experienced it. It is more than just sadness. It is something wrong with your brain. Either a chemical imbalances or a misfiring in your brain. You can get past the darkness. You are NOT alone and there are people who DO understand and can help. Just like any other illness or disease, it can be treated.

There are a lot of messages out there to reach out to someone when you are suicidal and depressed which is one of the best pieces of advice that can be given. However, when I was at my lowest, I found out that some of the friends I reached out to didn't know how to respond or react and, honestly, I felt like I scared them off. This feeling of rejection and alienation breeds a deeper level of depression. I know it isn't feasible for everyone to have a PsyD and be professionally trained BUT I think it is realistic to believe that everyone would have a basic understanding of what to say, and more importantly, what NOT to say. Thankfully there is a plethora of informative sites that can help with that part. I implore you to take 2 minutes and check out this site. You never know when someone you love will reach out to you needing to talk.https://makeitok.org

I have found myself at the edge of the darkness before and it is not pleasant. You can't see any light or feel any hope and can't fathom yet another day or let alone hour. You aren't thinking of others and the impact on them, you can only feel your own darkness and have a desire to end the pain. So please, don't call them cowards or selfish. It is the devastating ending of trying to fight the disease. Personally - I have gotten help and through medication, therapy and support groups - I am able to maintain a pretty functional and normal life. It still is a daily struggle and it comes and goes but I am in a better place than I have been. I know that it will be a lifetime battle but I am armed to the teeth with an arsenal of tools to combat the darkness. There is a reason to have hope.

If you need help or need to talk - make the call - 1-800-273-8255 or call/text me - 612-386-3578. Don't let the disease win. You can survive this.
"How we survive is what makes us who we are."